Life, Death and Law

           It’s Sunday. I find myself thinking about life and death and law. One of my friends, a forty year old doctor, was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago. I cannot say that I know this friend exceedingly well. When I first met Kyle, he was one of those people who made an impression on me; he was one of those people you want to care about. He and his wife Barb had heart. You could tell that from the beginning. I would describe them as a couple as alternatively conservative. Or maybe it is conservatively alternative. She presents as an artist. She talks slowly and meaningfully. Kyle presented as reflective and somewhat troubled. He was concerned about where he was in life and what he had achieved as a doctor. He seemed to be genuinely searching for that question we all ask ourselves ultimately. What do I want out of life?
        He had friends in big cities that were making three or four times what he was making. He acknowledged that he did well financially but he wondered whether or not he was in the right place at the right time. These were not casual questions to Kyle. He felt them at a deep level.
         One night when I happened to be fortunate enough to be watching an at home movie with Kyle, he mentioned to the group that he had not been feeling well. The movie was the second I the kill bill series. The same group of guys had actually watched the first movie together in Kyle’s basement. The next day he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a lethal form of cancer. He got immediate treatment at Mayo clinic and all the best medical care. After months of treatment, his first check-up reveled that cancer had ravaged his body. And that there was no need for further treatment beyond management of symptoms. What happened next will be told only through my eyes, which are those of more of a casual observer, somehow included within the honor of being part of his small group of friends. I was there today in all likelihood watching him die with his family and a few others. I wondered how I got there. I watched his face and the distance which was his glance. I thought of how fortunate I was to be there and to be a part of that group and to bear witness to his decline and his coming death. Kyle will speak now through those whose live he has touched. I now count mine among them. These next weeks, I intend to reflect on Kyle’s life and to open myself up to him and his death. Kyle is touching me at a point in my life where I feel like anything is possible and any direction is open. At no time has being an independent practitioner been more important than right now. This moment where I will find out who I am.